Conflict happens in most relationships, whether they are personal or professional. It is natural and reasonable, and it happens because we are complex creatures who are all different and have varying needs and opinions. Conflict is not just your initial disagreement but when you have attempted to get past this and can’t seem to come to a compromise or understanding. Because conflict happens frequently, learning to deal with it is an important life skill that everyone should learn to develop. Here are some effective strategies you can use to deal with conflicts of all kinds.
Look Inward
Often, when we are in conflict with someone else, it usually stems from something within us that we are struggling with. When something bothers us about someone else, it can be because that same trait is bothersome in ourselves. Make a list of behaviors, attitudes, or values that often set you off in other people. Becoming aware of these is helpful. Then ask yourself how you embody these or what about them is more troublesome for you, and find ways to manage these within yourself, as well.
Stay Calm
Once you accept that conflict is just something that sometimes happens, and not something you should take personally, it is easier to remain calm during a disagreement or confrontation with someone else. Start by talking in tones that indicate calm and agreement, as if you have already resolved the problem. Making eye contact makes it difficult for either party to stay angry or upset, too. Practice deep breathing to keep your own body calm throughout the situation.
Ask Questions
Many times, conflicts arise because there is a misunderstanding or a lack of communication. Asking about the source of the conflict, asking the other person to clarify their understanding of the situation, and asking the other person about their intent can often diffuse situations before the escalate. Asking shows you are open and listening, which helps the other person feel heard, another critical ingredient in resolving conflict.
Reconcile Expectations
Beyond problems with communication, a mismatch in expectations is the second-most common form of conflict. When one party has unmet expectations, it can lead to a wide range of feelings and reactions toward others. When dealing with conflict, clarify what each party had expected or needs, and start from this as a place for reconciliation. Often, just acknowledging your needs and agreeing to find ways to meet them can help resolve problems.
Presume Positive Intentions from the Other Party
When trying to resolve conflict, progress will be hard if you do not believe that the other person is seeking a good outcome for you both. When you harbor resentment or question the other party’s objectives, you will never feel good about the outcome you find. Assume that the other person also wants a positive outcome and that they are entering into this without ill will or a hidden agenda. Doing this is much more likely to result in something positive for everyone.
Acknowledge Differing Perspectives
We are all different, and we do not always see things to the same or have the same perspectives about the world and ourselves. All our past experiences color and inform how we interpret the world, and acknowledging that each of you comes to this situation with different perspectives can be helpful. Knowing that one of the reasons you have a conflict is that you are each seeing the same set of facts or circumstances differently helps to move away from “right” and “wrong” and accept that we all have biases and beliefs that influence our thinking.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with conflict is not always easy or fun, but using these effective strategies can take the heartache and angst out of your confrontations and help you find ways to move forward together.
Look Inward
Often, when we are in conflict with someone else, it usually stems from something within us that we are struggling with. When something bothers us about someone else, it can be because that same trait is bothersome in ourselves. Make a list of behaviors, attitudes, or values that often set you off in other people. Becoming aware of these is helpful. Then ask yourself how you embody these or what about them is more troublesome for you, and find ways to manage these within yourself, as well.
Stay Calm
Once you accept that conflict is just something that sometimes happens, and not something you should take personally, it is easier to remain calm during a disagreement or confrontation with someone else. Start by talking in tones that indicate calm and agreement, as if you have already resolved the problem. Making eye contact makes it difficult for either party to stay angry or upset, too. Practice deep breathing to keep your own body calm throughout the situation.
Ask Questions
Many times, conflicts arise because there is a misunderstanding or a lack of communication. Asking about the source of the conflict, asking the other person to clarify their understanding of the situation, and asking the other person about their intent can often diffuse situations before the escalate. Asking shows you are open and listening, which helps the other person feel heard, another critical ingredient in resolving conflict.
Reconcile Expectations
Beyond problems with communication, a mismatch in expectations is the second-most common form of conflict. When one party has unmet expectations, it can lead to a wide range of feelings and reactions toward others. When dealing with conflict, clarify what each party had expected or needs, and start from this as a place for reconciliation. Often, just acknowledging your needs and agreeing to find ways to meet them can help resolve problems.
Presume Positive Intentions from the Other Party
When trying to resolve conflict, progress will be hard if you do not believe that the other person is seeking a good outcome for you both. When you harbor resentment or question the other party’s objectives, you will never feel good about the outcome you find. Assume that the other person also wants a positive outcome and that they are entering into this without ill will or a hidden agenda. Doing this is much more likely to result in something positive for everyone.
Acknowledge Differing Perspectives
We are all different, and we do not always see things to the same or have the same perspectives about the world and ourselves. All our past experiences color and inform how we interpret the world, and acknowledging that each of you comes to this situation with different perspectives can be helpful. Knowing that one of the reasons you have a conflict is that you are each seeing the same set of facts or circumstances differently helps to move away from “right” and “wrong” and accept that we all have biases and beliefs that influence our thinking.
Final Thoughts
Dealing with conflict is not always easy or fun, but using these effective strategies can take the heartache and angst out of your confrontations and help you find ways to move forward together.
RSS Feed